WELCOME

Uber SEO Company is a whiteboard cross-platform integrated search engine marketing firm based in a sub-floor room in a parental figures dwelling. We take money from our clients in the hopes their websites will rank better. What we actually do is work (in our boxers) on our own websites when we are not fighting evil or surfing porn. From time-to-time we will send reports to our clients that make it seem like we are doing stuff. Don't get to excited these reports are computer generated via a cron job and include technical terms you won't understand anyway.

We offer guarantee placement on search engines. We know that our super geek powers and a c-note paid to an editor at Mahalo.com will ensure your placed on the first page of that search engine. We also have an agreement to fix Ms Dewey's TiVo® for placement on MsDewey.com. SEO firms that don't offer guaranteed placement are puny geeks that couldn't find their source code or Waldo. Furthermore if you are looking to rank well in Google have no fear, our five year plan is to buy Google and give first place rankings to all our clientele.


WHAT WE DO?

As you can see in our sub-floor room in a parental figures dwelling we will work hard for you!

Mathew & Charles working hard in basement - picture by Mom

We use super uber techniques to get your website to the top of the search engines. Sometimes we twitter your friendster and dabble with lulu to get lonelygirl to show us a flickr of her boing boing. The problem is pandora stumbleupons us at that delicious moment with the flickr of lonelgirl's boing boing and we have to make a dosh dosh before she cutts our longtail off.

If that doesn't work we also deploy the following methods:

  • We'll copy the meta tags of your competitors and insert them into your source code
  • We add invisible keywords embedded on your page
  • Hidden links, the links will go to our spank sites (porn) that's how we really make cashola
  • We focus on PageRank because PageRank is everything
  • New logo! Nothing increass your search engine ranking like a new logo
  • We put your site in the 'Sandbox' to protect it from your competitors
  • One word; blog comment spam
  • We change your domians whois start date to 1997 since older sites rank better
  • We install a PHP 5 compatible flux capacitor
  • If all else fails we will recommend our other SEO Service http://blackhat.uberseocompany.com